How I Lost my Friends

By Christopher R Rice

WARNING: This article is not wrote in a style that you are accustomed to. And if you are easily offended you should stop reading now.

I’ll use your face as an ashtray, footstool or my personal commode. So you actually thought that I’d fall off without you stabbing me in my back? You’re always dragging me backwards. Yeah, I lost my friends, good riddance to ya’, but do I miss ya? Nigga pleaze.

Everyone I’ve ever met can talk the talk but that’s about it. I’ve never met a real G and I’ve been everywhere from L.A. to where I’m at, right now, up in your face, bitch. Respect my elders, pleaze. Respect is like trust, it must be earned, you can’t just give it away. And you can’t trust no one, these dayz.

I’ve had to teach my elders hustles, what kinda fucked up shit is that? Ain’t you suppose to be raising me? Everyone I’ve ever met lies like a rug, ain’t never met a real G. See, real mother fuckers like myself, don’t need to lie. Why? Because, if you don’t like me telling you how it really is, you already know what you can do. Kick rocks bitch, you won’t be missed.

My balls are already to the wall. Everyone thinks this ain’t about them but who do you suppose I’m talking about? You’re a two faced, back stabbing, self-absorbed, egomaniac. I’ve lived here half a century and ain’t met a real mother fucker yet, just fake ass bitches, like yourself.

No matter where I go, I see the same shitty ho. And even when I’m talking about the moon you somehow think it’s all about you. Tatted up and cussing like a sailor, you tell me that you’re down for whatever. Ride or die. But every time I turn around, guess what? I’m the only one who’s got my back. You front and fake like everyone else.

But not all criminals are criminals though are they? You’re what gives real criminals a bad name. Criminals use to be folk heroes and loved by the communities that they served. But today most criminals are just drug addicts trying to get their next fix. That’s why the jails are filled past capacity. Because their filled with drug addicts while real crime goes unsolved.

More than 1.4 million murders, rapes, robberies and assaults are committed around the United States every year, or a violent crime every 22 seconds, the FBI says.

Most crimes are crimes of opportunity where you see something and no one is around so you pick it up and walk off with it. Or crimes of passion where someone loses control of their own emotions and their own physical self. But neither of those are real criminals, those are yo-yos that don’t know what their doing. Those are the people who fill our jails and prisons to overflow capacity.

I have no love for a yo-yo. So, if you don’t want to live in a cage and look at hairy assholes all day, let me tell you, there is a better way. If you do drugs, do them responsibly, like indoors, but for godsakes, stop peeking out the blinds and enjoy yourselves. That’s the point, ain’t it?

If you’re a real criminal don’t do drugs, it gives you a disadvantage from the get-go. If you sell drugs be low key and generous. But always look out for your own customers and other dealers snitching you out to local law enforcement or wetip. The games all fucked up and you shouldn’t have any illusions about who your friends really are, you have none.

If you’re a thief don’t waste your time stealing from friends, relatives or other poor people, that just makes you a schmuck. You can be “Robin Hood” or just another hood rat but that choice is always yours. Don’t crap in your own backyard and if you don’t understand what I mean just ask an old person, like myself. Kids think they know it all but really all they know is what we tell them and it wasn’t too long ago they believed in Santa Claus. Not too bright are they?

Whatever crimes you choose to pursue do yourself a favor and don’t get tats or other identifying marks that will make it easier for LE to catch you. Don’t dress like a gang banger drawing unnecessary attention to yourself, instead blend in. Wear clothes that don’t stand out.

If and when you are approached by LE, do not run, instead yawn and go about your business. Act as if you belong there, even if your in the middle of some highway robbery. Remember this, the police only know what you tell them, right? So the less you say the less they know. A real criminal does not let his right hand know what his left hand is doing. Why? Because only the people who you’ve told your business to can rat you off, no one else, so keep your big, dumb mouth shut.

If that does not work and LE is talking to you (still) and you’re white just tell them a black guy did it. And if you’re black, tell the cops it was another black guy who did it but he’s much darker. And everyone in America is so racist that they will leave you alone and go look for a black guy (who is much darker). Be polite and act like any square mother fucker would. Pretend to be helping and then do like Bugs bunny and tell LE that you hope that they catch whoever their looking for and string him up by his balls. Then make ghost.

Never snitch, take it to the grave. Live by a few simple rules and you’ll live to see another day. Don’t brag about what you have or be too flashy because that just invites jealousy and theft. When someone steals something from you, do not hesitate, mark them, for life. That will let everyone know what is coming if they do the same. Otherwise, everyone will think they can get over on you. And they will.

If however it is family that has fucked you over, the rules get thrown out, as you can not whack a family member. And normally under all other circumstances snitching is forbidden, but when it’s a family member, the rules are flipped upside down. If family fucks you over, set them up. Give them dope or stolen goods to sell for you or plant dope on them and then drop a dime. At no other time is a real criminal allowed to snitch.

Most crimes require some kind of side kick. But remember most people will drag you down, slow you down  and get you caught up. Much better to work alone. Find hustles that allow you to be invisible. Don’t use your government name. Use an alias instead, this can be the difference between getting caught up or getting away. Pay with cash because it is not traceable. Put nothing in your own name.

Hide in plain sight and don’t work hard, work smart. Again, if you don’t know what I mean ask an old person, they’ll know. Wear gloves and a hair net. If you smoke, take your butts with you, don’t leave anything behind.

Before you do a job find a girl/guy and make her/him think you love them more than life itself, so you’ll have an alibi. Even if the cops know they are being lied to, what can they do? Of course they’ll try to threaten and coerce, but if your lover knows that is all that they can do then you’re good to go. And even a false witness will give you enough time to get out of dodge, which is all that you need. Tell your lover that you must leave on business but you’ll be back and then don’t come back.

Lose friends and family because that is the first place that LE will look for you. Change phones, SIM’s, and numbers as often as you can. Use cheap, disposable prepaid flip phones that don’t have internet access because they are the hardest to track. Don’t stay in one place for too long. It often takes LE several months to build a case. So when there’s heat make ghost.

If you must publish your crimes for some political benefit or statement wait until the statue of limitations has run out. Don’t use violence unless absolutely necessary because it forces LE to be more thorough and brings a stiffer sentence.

As a real criminal it is my job to protect the weak minded from the three piece suits who wrap themselves in the flag so that they can rape and plunder my fellow countrymen and women.

Mama said knock you out. Catch your enemies while they’re coked up and weeded. Pour through your enemies backdoor when their in their PJ’s and yawning at four in the morning. Come out blasting like Yosemite Sam. And the only thing you need to remember is, you ain’t got no friends.

Got three strikes and looking at 25 to life? Find some punk ass kid and make him feel like a man. Kids are so lonely and insecure they’ll literally kill someone and take the rap for you if they believe someone likes them for who they are and won’t judge them like everyone else in this fucked up Christian society.

Jails are for dumb hillbillies, drug addicts and the poor blacks that are hunted like animals in this retched country. Jails no place for a real criminal. But, know this, there’s even money to be made in jail if you know what you’re doing. And if you’re a real mother fucking G, you can even keep your criminal business running on the outside while you’re locked down/up.

Liberty is more precious than any amount of gold or riches.

So first, find out How the cops are tracking you and how you can track the police, even under covers. Here’s pictures and locations of snitches. You might have one sitting next to you, right now, that can’t understand a thing he/she just read.

There’s also links for free encrypted emails. Under “Free Privacy” (in the sidebar) there’s links for everything  you need to go invisible on the internet, for free. There’s even free college textbooks because knowledge is power and you need to be smarter than the average bear.

Who knows, maybe one day, you will grow up and be a real G, just like me. But don’t get your hopes up, you’ll pry let us all down, like everyone else I’ve ever met. I’m giving this one last chance and then I’ll stop paying to have a website to teach you, what I already know.

So, does shorty still wanna be a thug?